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Both your & your partner know what each of
you are afraid of and you both make an effort to keep each
other from those situations and stimuli.
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Opinions, even those you don't agree on can
be stated, argued and acknowledge without fear of ridicule,
abandonment or abuse. Especially true for such heated
issues as politics, religion, parenting and sexuality where you may
strongly disagree.
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Without realizing it, you and your partner
often mirror each other's actions, gestures and speaking
style.
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You know what your partner's life goals,
hopes & dreams are.
What about religion, which is part of Intellectual Intimacy? Seeking your spouse, it is perfectly acceptable to state, "I only date Jewish men" or "I only date Christians". This is not racist and you are not being prejudice; you're being practical. Relationships are hard enough without mixing in different theologies. If your beliefs are strong and your faith is a major center of your life, this is referred to as a
"non-negotiable", a value or principle you require in a spouse. We recommend having 3-5 non-negotiables (more than five and you are too picky; less and you are too desperate), which anyone you date must have. For myself they were: 1) Christian, (Catholic or Protestant didn't matter as long as he is devote), 2) Wants (more) children, 3) College educated or an entrepreneur and 4) Highly intelligent. Everything else like height, income, likes, dislikes even race fell under preferences and if he had them, were bonuses. Same principle goes for
race when we're talking about your life partner. There is nothing wrong with saying you want your spouse to be Asian, or white or black…this person will be your spouse and the parent of your children. You are entitled to be picky. If race is important to you in the conception of children, then make it one of your non-negotiables, but remember, you only get five so make them count. Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner. If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it means you've explored and established
Intellectual intimacy. Unlike the first 3 stages, questions pertaining to Intellectual Intimacy should be reserved for people you already know, rather than those you are meeting for the first time.
Questions to
Unlock Intellectual Intimacy.
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What is the biggest misconception people have
about you?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Allows you to understand
him/her from the perception he/she believes others have of him/her.
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Where do you see yourself in ten years?
What
Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you in to his/her aspirations, dreams, and goals.
Also lets you know if this is a person who defines their destiny or lets others do it for
him/her.
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What do you consider to be your greatest
accomplishment?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Lets you find out what
he/she thinks of as important and what his/her values are.
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How do you define success?
What Your
Partner’s Answer Means: Lets you find out what he/she thinks of as important and what
his/her values are.
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Can you define your principles...what do you stand for and why?
What Your Partner's Answers Mean: Very few people can articulate their principles and these should be easy, off the top of your head in sixty-seconds or less. If he or she can, you are dealing with a person who is not easily manipulated, strong in conviction and thinks critically. Principles can change over time due to new information and experiences. They are dynamic rather than static, yet they remain the benchmark each of us measures our decisions against.
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Where do you stand on, (pick any hot topic from current events) and why is that your position?
What Your Partner's Answers Mean: This will tell you if he or she thinks critically or if he or she simply parrots the pundits, whether he/she consults both sides of an argument, where his or her values lie and what he or she stands for.
This is the definition of a "loaded question". A well-informed person should be able to argue both sides of any topic effectively and then through an explanation of his or her principles explain with facts why he or she thinks that way. Someone who thinks critically will avoid propaganda techniques like name-calling/characterizations, speaking broadly with no verifiable facts, (a critical thinker will know where the facts came from though he or she may need to do some work to provide them) and filibustering...talking over your
points and not allowing you to justify your position.
By the way, an honest person with intellectual curiosity, should it be an issue he/she is not well versed in, (everyone has his/her areas of knowledge and unknowns) will state something along the lines of, "I don't know enough about that issue to give you an opinion at this time. Tell me what you think about it and why you choose that position." This also tells you the person is open minded and willing to learn, which is a good thing.
Pay close attention to the answers to these questions. Serious relationship problems begin with incompatibilities in Intellectual Intimacy. They will tell you more about the real person in front of you and give you a solid insight to the person behind the public image he or she portrays.
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