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Often confused as
true intimacy, sexual intimacy is the natural attainment for a couple, which has
successfully navigated the first six stages. Anyone can have sex; it takes something special go from physical activity to intimacy. Sexual intimacy involves the full range of sensual perception including touch, kiss, looks, expressions
of endearment, (the exchanging of gifts and favors for events and just because), communication, comments and of course, intercourse and orgasm. The key to sexual intimacy is sexual liberation, a state that takes time, patience and tremendous trust to reach. Sexual liberation is the right to
accept or decline advances without fear of ridicule, rape or coercion. If wife withholds sex regularly as a tool of manipulation, sexual liberation has not been achieved. If a man withholds sex due to physical problems without making his partner aware of these, such as embarrassment over erectile dysfunction or a lack of desire due to stress, sexual intimacy has not been achieved, (this also would fall under emotional intimacy). Likewise if a woman continually fakes orgasm and is afraid to talk with her partner about it and seek a solution
together...you got it, she and her partner have not achieved sexual intimacy. With sexual liberation, even embarrassing subjects like the inability to orgasm, herpes, past rapes, not being a virgin or being a virgin, sexual fears or loss of function, though difficult to bring up, should never make you feel like you will lose your partner should these be disclosed. If you feel that telling this issue may cause him/her to leave, you don't have trust. Without trust, you do not have intimacy. This is also why waiting to delve into sexual
intimacy is recommended until after you've achieved a majority of elements in the preceding six. Trust takes time, a lot of time, to develop. You and your partner achieve sexual intimacy if you can answer
Yes to all of these situations, (If not married, you
do not have to go all the way to achieve sexual intimacy.
This is why copulation is not included).
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You've seen each other naked with the lights on and are
comfortable being naked around each other.
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Sexual activity includes kissing, hugging, touching and
mutually pleasuring each other.
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You share romantic gifts with each other just because.
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Foreplay during copulation lasts more than 10 minutes most
of the time, (quickies are okay given they are not the only
MO)
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You know several of your partner's fantasies, likes and
dislikes as they pertain to sex.
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You've discussed any past or current STD's with your
partner that may effect their health.
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You are not afraid to try new things, but your partner
also respects a decline without repercussions, intimidation or
ridicule.
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You do not fear being raped, assaulted or maimed by your
partner.
Questions of Relating to Sexual Intimacy
(We
recommend these questions be reserved until the 2nd or 3rd
date).
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Have you ever been to a masseuse? What did
you like or not like about it?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means:
1) Tells you if he/she is comfortable enough with his/her body to allow a stranger to
touch it
2) Illustrates a healthy desire for self-pampering and care.
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What is the most romantic thing someone has
done for you?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Let’s you know how well
he/she has been treated by past relationships and what he/she considers romantic.
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What is your favorite sensual/erotic movie?
(Ex: Last Tango in Paris, Henry & June, Lolita…) What Your
Partner’s Answer Means: Speaks to his/her attitudes about sexuality, specifically
his/her curiosity and openness.
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