career strategies for couples

Dear Politics,

It sounds like you’re in what seems like a “no win” situation, but there may be a way out of it.  As soon as you start listening to people talking badly about other people, they’ll begin to assume that you’re agreeing with them even if you say nothing.  And if you start to say something to criticize them, they’re likely to tease you or get upset with you.

Here’s what I’d suggest.  Make a list of all the people who tend to get into those conversations.  Then make a time to sit down with each of them alone telling him or her that you liked to ask them a favor.

Tell each of them that you came from a family or went to a school (it’s a white lie that’s okay since it’s not going to hurt anyone) where everyone seemed to want you to agree with them and disagree with someone else and how it made it impossible for you to do what you had to do. 

Then say to each person: “You have a right to think and say whatever you want to whoever you want. However since I find it too distracting to listen to any of those conversations, I hope you’ll understand it when I excuse myself and go back to my work as soon as those conversations begin.  I’m not trying to be rude or unfriendly; I just need to do what I need to in order to be able to do my work.”

Hopefully, each of them will understand enough and agree to it during those one-on-one conversations so that when you pick yourself and excuse yourself during one of those times when they start talking badly about other people, you can just leave.  After you’re gone, even if someone makes fun of you, the other people you talked to will probably keep it from going much further.

Good luck.
Dr. Mark

TOP

Get Out of Your Own Way
is Mark's landmark book for ending procrastination.