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Is it Party Time...or
Crying Time? |
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How to Survive When Your Kids Leave Home
by Mark Goulston, MD
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First Seen on |
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Doesn't it seem like yesterday that your
kids were running around in diapers and now they're out of the
house for good? The time has passed as quickly as some of
those childhood-years crises lasted.
Even if your kids still need you, they're going to act as if
they don't want you. Instead of going where you're no longer
wanted, why not shift your focus to the rest of your life?
Here are some tips to make the transition smoother:
Look back from the end of your life
Career and personal coaches help their clients by asking them
where they would like to be in five years and then breaking
the goals into monthly steps. Try this: Imagine yourself at
age 85 and nearing the end of your life. Write down
specifically what you would like to look back on in terms of
your personal life, career, hobbies, relationships, love life,
family and accomplishments.
Is what you're doing getting you where you want to be?
Look at all your activities in the above areas of your life.
Is what you're doing in each area going to get you to where
you want to end up? If not, then you are engaging in
self-defeating behavior (SDB) and sacrificing your long-term
goals and dreams.
Identify, stop and replace your SDB's
Make a list of those SDB's that might be keeping you from
getting to where you want to be. They may include:
procrastination, saying "yes" when you want to say "no,"
getting and staying involved with the wrong people. My first
book, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating
Behavior (Berkley, 1995) is a good place to start.
Work on these behaviors one at a time. You may want to enlist
the help of a partner who is also working on one of his/her
self-defeating behaviors. Be patient and persistent. It takes
30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit and a
minimum of six months for a habit to begin to become a part of
your personality.
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