|
1 - Unfaithful partners have to be able to experience compassion for the harm they have caused and be able to feel remorse and apologize;
2 - Unfaithful partners have to be able to look honestly and deeply into themselves and understand WHY they strayed;
3 - Unfaithful partners have to be willing to do the work necessary to EARN back trust (and be patient with their partner while they do)!
The betrayed partner has to be willing to forgive! If you think you cannot forgive, then recovery may not be possible!
Read: Forgiveness. . . What's it For?
Learning to trust again takes time; lots of time, perhaps even years. The deeper the wound, the longer the healing. Talking with your partner about the affair when the need to talk surfaces is another important factor of healing the relationship. However, consistently bringing up the past excessively or "throwing it back in their face" only and always reopens the wound and prolongs and often prohibits the completion of the healing process.
Your partner must learn to listen and offer whatever support you need without becoming defensive or angry. The guilty partner needs to know that patience is a virtue that must be practiced for the relationship to heal.
Effective communication is a requirement of a healthy, wholesome, happy and successful relationship! There is no other way.
Trust is the very foundation of a healthy love relationship! There can be no trust without conversation; no genuine intimacy without trust.
The betrayed one only needs
to know two things:
1 - What caused the affair, and
2 - What assurance they have that it will never happen again!
Although the one betrayed may think they need to know "all" the details, they don't. This is never a good idea! That would only cause deeper feelings of hurt.
By the way, an affair is seldom, if ever, only one partner's fault! Always remember, relationship problems are shared problems. Each partner must take their share of the responsibility for what happened.
If the betrayed love partner really loves the other and is willing to work through the pain of a changing relationship, the other partner hopefully will thank their lucky stars that their partner is willing to give them another chance and must work their butt off to earn forgiveness, respect and trust that the relationship must have to survive. Both partners need to set new goals for the relationship and develop new ways to create intimacy; emotionally, physically and spiritually.
You both need to look at what was missing in your relationship that caused the cheating to occur in the first place.
An affair doesn't have to signal the end of a relationship. In fact, if both love partners are willing to work hard, an affair can bring problems that were lurking in the depths of the relationship up to the surface for the purpose of healing. It can also be the means for drawing the couple closer together.
For the relationship to move forward, however, saying "I'm sorry" isn't enough. Just because your love partner is no longer cheating doesn't mean the problem has disappeared. If they want another chance, they must immediately break off "all" contact with the other woman/man; no phone calls, no letters, no e-mail, nothing! They also needs to explore, both in their own mind and in discussions with you, "why" they had the affair. "I don't know!" is never a good answer. Saying "I don't know!" stops the inquiry.
The healing process for betrayal requires patience, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness and most important, Love. Love that is consistently demonstrated in words and deeds.
Copyright © 2004 - Larry James
|
