And I think you are tragically correct. I can only describe it in comparison to something I once read in how raising a teenager was like nailing Jell-O to a tree!

What Has Held Our Military Marriage
Together for 19 Years

My husband and I have thus far survived and thrived in marriage for over 19 years, even considering the usually high number of  deployment separations we've experienced, high even by Air Force standards.. Nothing concrete comes to mind as to how we survived for so long. At least not at this time. I can only make reference to my religious upbringing as it is often described as the "Religion of Love". Agape is the Greek word for unconditional love. An acquaintance brought it to my attention that I may be "in love with love", and this is possibly why my marriage has survived.

This makes reasonable sense to me as I've apparently not let anything of this earth come between my love for my husband because it is love itself that I am in love with. Confusing? Yes, I'm not sure how I got to this state of my being myself. TOP

The Hard Part of Military Marriage

The most horrendous and difficult part of being a military spouse is that for the past 12 years, I've basically been a single parent. The myth civilians have that the military families have substantial support and resources is far from true.  In actuality most spouses feel like widows for months at a time.  In truth there is little support and much of the civilian population looks at military families as "Us" and "Them".

My husband is active Army.  I am retired Air Force. Since we've been stationed with the Army for the last 12 years, I've become familiar with what the Army calls family support. As an Air force veteran myself, I am unable to benefit.  When spouses are deployed, the military takes care of them but all other burdens fall on the spouses and families left behind.

What happens when he is deployed? I've experienced an unusual phenomena that when my husband leaves. The "household gremlins" move-in and everything that could break down suddenly does! Leaving me stressed with the day-to-day and not too lovey-dovy in the communication department with my deployed spouse finally gets a chance to call. Once, when taking my children to school, the batteries were dead in both vehicles! One was brand new! Luckily I have an angel neighbor who looks after me, reminding me of little things like forgetting to put my trash out.  He even does this and other chores for me when my husband is gone. Usually it is because I am ill or too stressed out which causes me to forget! TOP

What American's Can Do to Help Military Families

It would be wonderful if the civilian community embraced military families when the spouse is deployed or at war.  Little things like creating a "Hearts Apart" Community program to provide support in things such as childcare, transportation (vehicle breakdowns), and minor repairs. This can be done through community volunteers and businesses by giving redeemable coupons so as the system is not taken advantage of.  Unlike when a spouse goes away for a week or a month on a business trip, military spouses often don't know where their spouse is, if he or she is alive or when we will see him/her again.  Check in on us, invite us into your community.  We move around a lot so many times we feel without roots.  It's the little things that make a huge difference and help us make it through the tough times and long separations even when we are apart.

By Elaine, (41) Copperas Cove, TX
Master Sergeant, Air Force (Ret) & Current Army Spouse
Married 19 Years