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Custody and Marital
Laws vary from State to State, and situations are unique
to each person. Please use Couples
Company legal advice only as a guide to questions
you should be asking your own legal counsel if you are
engaged in a similar situation
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Is there anything I can do to legally force
my husband back to work? |
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Dear Steve,
I'm 37 years old and have been married for 11 years. We have a two-year-old
son and a four-year-old daughter. When my daughter was born, my husband and
I decided that he would quit his job, which he hated, and I would support
the family, while he went back to school to earn his B.A.
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Can you make
your spouse work? |
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Since then, I've worked my way up to a director position in a
financially stable organization. But my husband hasn't returned
to school or even looked for a part-time job that would allow me
to also work part-time as well as look after the children. |
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He makes excuses as to why he doesn't know what to do with his
life such as:
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His dad wouldn't
help him with his college decisions when he was younger.
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His dad was an
alcoholic, so he thinks he is too. (He was tested on this and
the results were negative.)
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He thinks he has
Attention Deficit Disorder. (He has gone to counseling for this,
and results were negative again.)
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I've set up interviews for him, printed
job-search material off the Internet, and helped in many other
ways, yet he says I'm not supportive. He also says he does a
better job at home with the kids than I do. I have a stressful
job and would prefer to work part-time, but it's as if he
doesn't want to give me any opportunity.
Both children can sense the tension among us. My daughter has
issues with me not being at home for her. I discussed divorce
with my husband, but he only got very angry with me. Now he says
he doesn't trust me. I never wanted to consider divorce, because
I came from a divorced family; my children have everything I
ever wanted growing up. He is a very insecure person but very
loving to our children. We were once a very close couple. I
don't know what more to do. Any advice?
Hurting (F) 37
Wayne, PA
Married 11 years, 2 children 4 & 2
Dear Hurting,
I understand your frustration. You're facing the classic
societal
role-reversal situation. Although we've come a long way from the
"Ozzie and Harriet" nuclear family, there's still something
disturbing about a father who refuses to work to support his
family.
Regardless of whether or not you stay with your husband, you
can't legally force him to go back to work. But if you're in the
middle of a divorce proceeding, it's possible for a court to
find that your husband has an earnings capacity and assess him
with an income based on that earnings capacity for the purposes
of calculating support. However, as you seem to have
substantially higher earnings than he would if he went back to
work, that solution probably isn't of much comfort to you.
Ironically, YOU would likely be the one paying HIM support.
Another issue that may be equally important to you is how you
and your husband would parent your children if you separated.
Since your husband has established himself as "Mr. Mom", it's
imperative that you meet with a local family-law specialist to
help you determine a reasonable parenting plan. |
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Your husband's statement that he doesn't trust
you is typical of stay-at-home spouses who are afraid of having
to reenter the workforce. A skilled family lawyer may be able to
help you find psychological assistance to help you navigate the
complex emotional issues that your family will face in the event
of separation or divorce.
You should be proud of your accomplishments and the fine example
you're setting for your children. Keep up the good work. <end>
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