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They think a man wants a good looking woman. Foremost, last
and always.
And though, as a man, I know where they're coming from, what a
man is really looking for is something much deeper than that.
He is wanting something to reassure him that he is an alright
guy, that he is an okay person, that he is worth something.
In
short, what a man really wants is validation.
He seeks this in many ways, a primary vehicle of which is his
relationship with women. Something instinctive tells him that
she can make him alright. Whether it be by how pretty a woman
he can keep at his side, or by the scorecard of how many women
he has vanquished in some romantic fashion, he sometimes goes
through an entire lifetime attempting to feel good about
himself through having relationships with women.
Harvey
In the classic movie taken from the play Harvey, with Jimmy
Stewart, there is a scene in which a very rigid psychiatrist,
Dr. Willie Chumley, begins to let down his emotional defenses
and reveal his true desires in life. He said if his fondest
wish were to come true, it would be to just lie in his
comfortable chair for hours and have some compassionate female
simply rubbing his head, saying over and over, "Poor boy!"
The humor in the character is the fact that there is a little
bit of Dr. Chumley in every man. Down deep he wants to be
unconditionally loved just like a little boy by a perfect,
loving mother.
Pride, of course, causes that vulnerability to be hidden as a
man grows from childhood into manhood. First it is hidden from
others and then at last it is hidden from himself, but it is
still there waiting to be discovered.
Meanwhile, man begins to seek some sort of gratification as a
substitute for this missing unconditional love from a source
he can look up to, and he usually turns to those substitutes
that never quite fill him up, emotionally speaking. There is
always something lacking, or as the Rolling Stones have said
and capitalized on, he "can't get no satisfaction".
The Key to Winning a Man's Heart
But the fact remains, he is vulnerable…very vulnerable. And
for that wise woman who understands this it provides an
opening to secure the man of her choice like spearing fish in
a barrel!
You see, most men going around trying to sport a good looking
woman on their arm, or keeping lists of their female
conquests, for one reason and one reason alone: It gives them
a sense of validation and being worth something, and that is a
feeling they desperately feel the need for.
The only problem is, this kind of validation is temporary and
fleeting and, like a drug or alcohol, only leaves him feeling
empty and in need of another fix as soon as a little time has
gone by.
Man's greatest vulnerability is not a physical need, but a
psychological one. It is the need to be loved, but not just
loved by anyone - to be loved by someone he senses is
emotionally independent and strong. This kind of love is
validating and worthwhile.
So, if you as a woman wish to stand out and make a difference
to the man of your dreams you have to make up your mind not to
be weak. You must demonstrate in your every action that,
though you may derive great enjoyment and fulfillment in the
company of the man you want, you still have the capacity to
survive very well and go on with your life and be happy
without him if he ever takes you for granted or misuses you.
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