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Dear Melanie,
There is nothing you can do to get your
boyfriend to “make the leap”. Decide that you are worth
marrying, make plans now to “start over” and move on. Read on
for how to have a different outcome next time.
1. Don’t live together.
This doesn’t work for you. We know from research that couples
who live together before marriage are at greater risk for
divorce.
When your friends criticism
your actions tell them simply, “It just doesn’t seem to work out
for me”. TOP
2. Look for a man who
is
interested in marriage.
It is neither foolish nor forward to ask
on a 3rd date what he hopes to accomplish in dating;
if he’s looking for “fun” he’s not a “keeper”. Be frank and let
him know you’re ready to find your life partner, soul mate or
mate. When appropriate and there is opportunity make it clear
that you want to be married (and in this century!)
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3. Be kind to yourself as
you recover from this relationship.
Take stock of what worked
(ex. he helped and offered comfort without being asked) and what
didn’t work (perpetually late and resentful of family and
friends). Ask yourself; Who do I need to be to bring a
marriageable man into my life? Better groomed? More attentive?
Less talkative?
4. Live an interesting and
satisfying life now-
Have a live worth sharing and caring for.
If you’re short on interests do the work to find and cultivate
some. pastimes, hobbies or causes; animal rescue, art, sports,
etc. Keep busy while “looking for good candidates”.
TOP
5. Look for someone
entirely different from the man you are with now.
You will have
to re-train yourself to make different choices. This will be
uncomfortable at first but after a few dates you’ll appreciate
the difference and the possibilities!
6. Look around for couples
who represent a strong healthy marriage and notice what they
do, how they treat each other, what kinds of habits and skills
they have that you would like to embrace.
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Something to Think About...The Sage Cliché
Like
Melanie, do all your relationships keep turning out the
same?
It's
often said that the definition of Insanity is "Doing the
same thing over and over again and expecting different
results." Which nullifies the "Threes a Charm" idea.
Another
wives tale: "Fool Me once, Shame on You! Fool me Twice,
Shame on Me...Three times, I got what I deserved!"
Consider
if you're repeating the same behavior because it's
comfortable and then ask yourself, "How's that working
for me?" If it's not, perhaps it's time to change
your Relationship MO? You Think?!
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7. DON'T GIVE UP! The
first step towards success in love is believing. Surround
yourself with others who support your hopes and dreams and who
believe in your future. ( It is time to let go of those who are
jealous ,judgmental and otherwise unsupportive).
TOP
Good Luck to Melanie and
those of you “in the same boat” Please write to us and let us
know how your transition to “permanent couplehood” is
progressing.
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