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You might not have realized these things
before, and so have traveled down paths that go nowhere. You can
have a lot of things that come close to a loving relationship,
and yet never be fulfilled.
Ask yourself: Can you receive love? Can you
give love? Do you know what the art of loving all about? How
would you know what the best kind of love looks like and feels
like? Have you settled, or even pursued the kind of love that
doesn't satisfy or always leaves a person empty?
Singles are often telling me that they've never seen a really
good relationship, or they're not sure they've valued the best
relationships until they're gone. So why not get a solid sense
of what's going to make your next relationship worth developing
and keeping.
What makes a person lovable? Positive answers
to the questions below define what makes a person loving and
lovable. These are tough questions, but need to be asked
regularly of yourself if your relationship is more than six
months old, (The first six months are about creating trust and
getting to know each other. Some of these questions are
too intimate for a new relationship). The questions are
also useful in considering the possibility of marriage with your
partner, or if your relationship has some areas that need to be
worked on first before moving into that phase.
What to Do
with this Information
If you're in a long-term relationship:
Ask these questions first regarding how your partner treats you.
Then reverse the mirror, how do you think your partner would
answer these questions about you? Spend some time thinking
about the questions and answers over the next several days.
Most of the answers are a not simple yes and no, but they will
help you decide if the relationship you are in is what you want
or if you're simple in it because nothing better has appeared.
If you're single or just beginning to date
someone and you are tired of dead end relationships: Use
these questions as a guide to the types of behavior you are
looking for, to analyze your own behavior and to keep a look out
early on in the relationship for red flags and inconsistencies.
Ten Questions that Define the Art of
Loving
1. Will he/she do something for you even though he/she really
doesn't feel like doing it? AKA: Is he/she willing to make
sacrifices?
2. When he/she is angry, how does he/she treat you?
i.e.: If someone were treating your friend, sister or child the
way your partner treats you, would it be acceptable to you or
would you tell your loved one to get out of the relationship
because he/she deserves better?
3. When you need comfort and support, do you get it? (Or is
he/she MIA: Missing in Action!)
4. When you need help solving a problem, do you get help?
5. Does he/she love you the way you want to be loved?
When you
state your wants, needs and desires, what's okay and not okay
with you, does he/she do something positive about your requests?
6. When you are vulnerable, and share your weaknesses or needs,
how does he/she treat you?
What does he/she do with the
information? i.e.: If you share something personal, do you
fear it will be used against you at a later date?
7. Is he/she consistent in he/she loving, even at times when you
are inconsistent?
8. Do you always feel you can trust Him/Her?
i.e.: If you feel that there are certain things you must
never tell your partner and you hold these back, you don't fully
trust him/her.
9. Are his/her words, expressed feelings and actions consistent
and congruent? (Walk their talk?).
10. Does the relationship deepen and improve over time?
All relationships go through ups and downs. A solid
relationship will continue to grow over time even if
occasionally it takes a few steps back. Two steps forward,
one back, NOT one step forward, two back!
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