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Communication & etiquette |
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Dealing with the Relatives
From HELL
during the Holidays with
Dr. Mark
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Dear Dr.
Mark,
Thanksgiving sucked. How do I help my divorced mom deal with
our relatives from hell whom she has to include for Christmas
dinner?
PROTECTIVE SON
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Isn't it amazing how certain people can turn a great
holiday into a yearly nightmare? |
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Dear PROTECTIVE,
I admire your wish to protect
your mom from your blood-sucking blood relations. Many
college students only care about themselves as soon as they
get away from their parents. Of course it is ultimately up
to your mom to learn to stand up for herself now that you’ve
left home.
In the meantime, here is
something you might try to help her and you have a happier
Christmas dinner this year. First a little psychology about
obnoxious relatives. One of the reasons these people are
such pains in the ass is that they often feel that the world
treats them as unimportant. Being awful at holidays is one
of the ways they get even.
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Two weeks before Christmas
dinner, (you) call each of these relatives and say to them:
“Since you’re an important part of our family (because we
haven’t figured out how to kill you yet), I wanted to ask
you a favor. I would like you to help my mom and me to make
people more comfortable and even bring them out of their
shell, if you can. We don’t really know what kind of year
people have had--- whether any of them are in
big financial trouble, whether their kids are doing
drugs, or whether anyone is
seriously ill. You know how awkward these dinners can be
(since people like you ruin them) and I was hoping you could
help us out. Whaddya say?” |
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Regardless of whether they
cooperate or not, you’re going to make it difficult for them
to be obnoxious when you’ve so graciously asked them to help
out. What are they going to say: “No thanks. I was just
planning to ruin the dinner like I do every year.”
Then when they show up for
dinner, tap them on the shoulder to remind them of your
request by saying: “Can I count on you.” Give it your best
shot. Your mom’s lucky to have a son like you.
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