Spiritual Intimacy

There were emails, phone calls or disciplinary notes on nearly a daily basis.  Our life was a roller coaster until my son’s second grade teacher suggested that he be evaluated for ADHD (take this 3 minute Quiz).  She gently said, “Kelly, when he sits still, he vibrates.” 

Though she was right, my unkind response involved the school doing a better job teaching rather than my ‘dumbing him down,’ just to help them.  He was just being a boy.

Fast-forward one month to a dental appointment.  One dentist, who bluntly suggested hospitalization for my son for routine appointments, had already rejected my son.  Thus we entered the pediatric dentist’s office for a cleaning.  The dentist had prescribed a sedative to be taken before the appointment, which was duly administered.  There was also nitrous oxide and Novocain.  We didn’t make it through the appointment.  TOP

When we left, I was defeated, in tears, and thoroughly angry.  My son was out one pack of Pokemon® cards, punishment for ‘not being able to sit still long enough for one damned 20-minute cleaning.’  Before we left the dentist’s office, though, the dentist suggested an ADHD evaluation.  A medical professional, accustomed to working with children, believed this was necessary.  I had no reason left to argue.  I called the family physician.

I also alerted my ex-husband.  His feelings were clear.  “If you put him on medication, we will have a fight.”  TOP

This was clearly not going to be discussed again anytime soon, and it had been nearly two years since I last gave him an update.  I took my son to the doctor, who merely said, “I’ve always know Casey was hyperactive.  I was waiting for you to come talk to me.”  TOP

The evaluation process is a collaborative, collective gathering of information and observations by the school, the physician, my son and me.   My son was placed on Dexedrine®.  This medication was available in a time-release formula, thus he only took it at home before school.  I also enrolled him in tae kwon do, in hopes that it might help with his energy level, and provide focus.  While the subsequent changes were noticeable, it was clear the school only remembered the ‘demon seed’ child from before. TOP

We moved to another school district.  Prior to the beginning of school, I arranged to meet my son’s teacher.  I also let her know that while Casey can be difficult and decidedly abrasive, I needed for she and I to be able to communicate and work as a team.  That meeting was critical.  August of 2001 was the beginning of the turnaround.  Via email, this amazing teacher and I were able to provide a united front keeping Casey on track for the most part.  Casey still had annoying habits, many created by my family, but we helped him curb them.  We tend to be very rigid when it comes to proper grammar.  Unfortunately, this has not only made Casey speak well, but it’s also made him very aware when others do not.  His habit of correcting others, including adults, has not always made him a popular favorite in the classroom or on the playground. TOP

Tae Kwon Do was an invaluable tool.  When we moved, we looked at the closest tae kwon do school to our new home.  The difference between a place run by a booming American, able to butcher the Korean language as only a Texan could, and a school run by a quiet, subdued Asian man, was more than geographic.  It was clearly more transition than Casey could accommodate. 

Thus we continue to drive to our old hometown, 30-miles away for a fifty-minute class twice a week; it’s worth every mile and every minute.  At the Tae Kwon Do school, we’ve found a surrogate family and they’ve been integral in making things easier for me and for Casey.  It’s been surprising to learn how many kids (and adults) there have been diagnosed ADHD or ADD.  It’s wonderful how understanding the other students and staff are about Casey.  One evening when Casey was in full-tilt, flying-off-the-walls mode, an adult student put his hand on my shoulder and said, “It’s okay.  We understand Casey.”  TOP

He suffers from ADD; his two sons have been diagnosed with ADHD.  Four of the five family members are black belts – Tae Kwon Do is the conduit that places everyone on the same level.  The Tae Kwon Do school has been a welcome haven of acceptance, but comes with rules.  It’s an ideal environment for Casey and I cannot recommend martial arts highly enough for ADHD kids.  TOP

During the fourth grade school year my son tested for, and was invited to join the school district’s talented and gifted program, (TAG).  At the old district, he was barely considered average academically.  He also earned his blue belt in Tae Kwon Do.  Now in the fifth grade, we still have some of the same focusing challenges that will be there until Casey develops the skills to focus without medication.  However, he’s in a blended fifth/sixth grade class, and continues to be active in Tae Kwon Do. Recently he earned his red belt and even manages to continue with music lessons, playing quite well now.  The help from his medication doesn’t make him less abrasive when he chooses to be, but it does give him the ability to be still and focus on one task at a time.  TOP

 NEXT PAGE: How to survive the child-rearing process, sans partner, with a challenging child.

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