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WARNING:
This article contains sexually explicit instructions & is
not intended for children under the age of 18.
Parental Discretion is Advised. |
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Supermarket Sex
How to use the products shown on
KATU's AM
Northwest
Hey, it is morning television...you didn't think
we'd say how to use these on live
television with children in
the room, did you?
by Laura Dawn Lewis |
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Bypassing the anatomically correct fruits and vegetables
and the old standby of whipped cream, with a little
imagination, your supermarket can be a sexy shopping
experience. Sure, Hollywood has had some fun with
supermarkets from the scene in
Animal House with Tim Matheson seducing the Dean's
wife with a phallic cucumber to the highly erotic, sexually
charged scene with Al Pacino and Ellen Barkin in
Sea of Love strolling through the aisles, she
wearing nothing but a rain coat. But we're not going
to take the sex to the supermarket, we're just going to
buy the toys there. You can take them home and try
them out on your own! Below are the products we
found (and instructions on how to use them) in one
1/2 hour trip to our local Albertsons.
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Apricot Body Scrub:
I
first discovered this getting a full body massage
at
Glen Ivy Spa in California. The Masseur
rubbed the scrub into my skin from head to toe.
Once showered off, my entire body felt like silk.
When your skin feels this good you want to be
touched and he/she will love touching you!
Recommended
use Apricot Scrub: Lay plastic
sheets on the bed and give each other a full body
massage with the scrub and then rinse it off each
other in the shower (a hand held shower massager
makes this really fun!) Towel off and
massage each other with a high quality lotion like
Curél or Lubriderm.
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Loofa Mittens
&/or Studded Garden Gloves:
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Few sensations
feel more wonderful than a light scratching on the
skin. These two gloves allow you to deliver
different sensations with your hands.
Recommended Use, Mittens:
Dab some lotion onto the dry mittens and give your
partner a back & butt rub. Keep the pressure
light yet firm, (see
massage techniques).
Recommended Use, gloves:
Use these dry and cup your partners
leg or arm between both hands and softly run your
gloved hands from top to bottom over his/her skin,
lightly altering the pressure, (extremely
effective brushing the inner thigh or under the
arms). The raised rubber nubs will create a
titillating sensation that is both erotic and
pleasurable.
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Apricot Scrub,
Loofa Mittens
& Garden Gloves
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Rotating Head Toothbrush
& Make-up Powder Brush
If she
has trouble achieving orgasm, these two innocuous
items might just push her over the edge!
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Recommended Use:
With KY or
another lubricant dab the rotating head of the
brush and lightly apply pressure to her clitoris
(not too hard. It should just touch enough
to tickle). As you are stimulating the
clitoris, gently insert the non-brush end of the
make-up brush into her vagina and slowly twist it
clock- wise and counter clockwise back and forth.
This brush is 2-inches long and will rest on the
G-spot inside. Longer brushes are even
better because they can reach far enough inside to
gently scratch the cervix. The key here is
small movements and light touch. Push too
hard or too fast and you can injure her.
Pressure will also numb the area and cause a loss
of sensation.
The powder
brush can also be used as a bullet, inserted into
the anus (lubricate first) while performing
fellatio or using the rotating head. With
stimulation to the clitoris, this insertion will
generally push most women to orgasm very quickly.
Pull it out the second she starts to climax to
avoid injury and discomfort.
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Rotating Head Electric Tooth Brush
Blush Brush & KY or another lubricant
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Basting
Brush, Hot Tea, Liquid Essence & Plunger Head.
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Recommended Use,
Basting Brush:
These bristles
are firm and soft and can greatly enhance
sensations for men. Lightly brush around the
scrotum and up and down the penis. On women,
use the brush on the palms of her hands, inner
thighs, nipples and near the anus and vagina as a
tease.
Recommended
Use,
hot tea:
This is my favorite trick and I like mint
tea because it also leaves a refreshing taste in
your mouth. Take a sip of the tea as hot as
you can stand and hold it in your mouth for 30
seconds, then swallow. Anything your mouth
goes on while heated will deliver intense ecstasy
to your partner...either fellatio, nipples,
kissing and even sucking on ears or the neck.
It's intense and extremely pleasurable. Another
version is to hold the liquid in your mouth and
envelop his scrotum within your mouth, sloshing
the liquid around. If you are using tea for
fellatio, do not put sugar, cream or lemon in it.
Always keep it black. Sugar can cause yeast
infections in women and urinary track infections
in men. The acid in lemon can burn.
Recommended
Use,
plunger:
Use KY or baby oil with the plunger. Have
your partner lie on his/her stomach naked and
lubricate the foot of the plunger and press and
release it up and down his or her entire naked
body. It feels like a giant kiss on each
section of your skin and the lubrication causes a
slight suction before release.
Recommended
Use,
liquid
essence: This is simply your
favorite scent in a concentrated form. Put a drop
on a light bulb to scent an entire room or add it
to massage oil, lotion or bath water to bath
yourself in your favorite scent.
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Basting Brush
Hot Tea
Liquid Essence
Plunger |
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Water Bombs
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Sexuality and romance are the playful part of a
relationship. These sponge toys are sold to
children to replace water balloons; adults
can use them in the same way.
Recommended
Use,
Water
Bombs: Fill a
basin with warm water, your favorite scent and
baby oil. Use the water bombs to drizzle
your partner with the warm water and sponge bath
him or her. You can also use them to
playfully attack each other like children with
water balloons on a hot August night.
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Water
Bombs |
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FROSTING
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Enjoy being an artist? Frosting (or Cheese Whiz if
you prefer something salty) can bring out your
sexual Picasso!
Recommended
Use,
Frosting:
Favorite game
with this is "Try to figure out what I'm saying".
Write a word or draw a picture on your partner's
back, inner thigh or anywhere else he/she cannot
see and ask him/her to guess. If he/she can't
guess, you eat your words or picture (he or she
will have to follow your tongue to guess the
outline) until he or she gets it right.
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Frosting |
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Bag Clips & Nylons
I'm not big on S&M.
If it hurts, personally I don't find it sexy or
stimulating. But a little pressure in the
right places or a slight limiting of movement can make sex more
intriguing by focusing your attention on the
senses left unchecked. These are two
harmless, slightly S&M toys.
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Recommended
Use,
Bag Clips:
The best place to use these is on
erect nipples. By clipping them on
nipples, you'll focus your partner's attention on
this sensation and intensify anything else you are
doing to his or her body. (Never
use clips with teeth, only smooth edges. The
teeth will tear the very fragile skin and cause
intense pain and possibly lead to infection).
Recommended
Use,
Pantyhose:
Sure you can use these to tie someone up, but I've
found another use that is far more enticing and it
has to do with that nasty little problem called runs.
Ladies, runs in your hose are the sexiest thing
you can have and here's why. It's an overt
invitation to sexual play. Here's my rule:
If I get a run in my hose during the evening, he
gets to take them off anyway he wants. He
can rip them off; he can cut them off or he can
chew them off with his teeth; they are already
ruined so why not make them fun? There's
something primal about ripping them off that men
love. Use this rule the next time you
exclaim, "Damn, I have a run in my hose!"
Look at him with a Cheshire smile and don't be
surprised if he spends the rest of the evening
thinking about getting you home and the
opportunity to take them off his way. Also don't
be surprised if he starts looking for runs...the
payoff is quite pleasurable!
One more sexy
thing you can do with nylons? Take them off
and hand them to him under the table at dinner.
He'll know most women don't wear underwear with
nylons, which means under that skirt, you're bare.
This will play with his mind all night!
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Bag
Clips & Nylons |
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Straws
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Recommended
Use,
Straws:
Straws are used
to channel air, your breath to be precise.
Use straws to focus air in the genital regions,
ears or the nerves of the neck. Or combine
with Icy/Hot on nipples and inner thighs to create
erotic sensations he/she will never forget!
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Straws |
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Black Pepper
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Do Not use
this trick if you or your partner have a
heart condition!
Yes,
writing erotica I do a lot of research into
technique and this is an old hooker's trick that
enhances orgasm in either men or women.
Recommended
Use,
Black
Pepper: Take whole
pepper and crush it, wrap it in a white
handkerchief and secure it with a rubber band.
When you feel your partner reaching orgasm, hold
the pepper hanky under his or her nose. If
your partner is female, the sneeze she'll have at
orgasm will cause her vaginal muscles to clamp
down on you inside and intensify the orgasmic
waves. If he's male, the force of
ejaculation will be intensified as the force of
the sneeze exasperates his intentions.
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Black
Pepper |
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Faucet Aerators
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Recommended
Use,
Aerators:
Nipples are often the most neglected area of a
man's body. These aerators are the perfect
size to fit over his nipples and they are less
messy than ice cubes. Pop them in the
freezer for cold sensation or dip them in water
(no hotter than 120°F/42°C)
for heat sensations.
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Faucet
Aerators |
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Washers
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Recommended
Use,
Washers:
As above, rubber or metal washers make great
nipple rings and isolate the erogenous zone for
sucking. Pop them in the freezer for cold
sensation or dip them in water (no hotter than 120°F/42°C)
for heat sensations.
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Washers |
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Scarves or Hand Towels |
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Recommended Use,
scarves:
The most common
complaint I hear from men is that women don't
spend enough time on their scrotum. Scarves,
hand towels or my favorite feather boa's make
wonderful scrotum slings. Simply wrap the fabric
around the scrotum and gently lift the sacks up.
Complete the picture with fellatio on either the
sacks or his quite enlarged membrane.
Titillate him further by gently rocking the fabric
back and forth.
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Pictured: Faux feather boa from Target for $14.99 |
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Sexual pleasure derives from a
combination of the unexpected and an appreciation for the
gifts of the one you love. Opportunities to enchant your
partner are all around you. With a little imagination,
curiosity and discarded inhibition, you can make the most mundane
objects intriguing and salacious.
Divertir se...
That's Portuguese for "Have Fun!"
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Sex can become
very routine very easily. You know the drill. Ten to
twenty minutes of kissing and your hands go straight for the
erogenous zones. The whole thing is finished in an hour or
hour and a half (if you're lucky) or twenty minutes (if you're
average).
For many
couples, once sexuality becomes the norm, it becomes predictable.
When it becomes predictable, it becomes boring. When it
becomes boring...minds and intentions wander.
Tricks
and Techniques is about helping you keep your sex life from becoming
routine.
Sexual Intimacy
is more than copulation. Sexual intimacy address all forms
of touch and expressions of endearment. With children, jobs,
stress and other distractions, couples often forego the little
pleasures. The truth is, sexual intimacy can be demonstrated
and appreciated in a room full of people or behind closed doors.
Sexy
Supermarket Scenes |
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Sea of Love Starring Al Pacino & Ellen Barkin takes
sexy shopping to new levels
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In
Animal House Tim Matheson shows Verna Bloom in the
produce aisle the parallels between Cucumbers and the perfect Male
Fantasy
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In the Stepford
Wives the final scene shows Katherine Ross as a robot
shopping in the supermarket, sexy and seductive ...drawing the
parallel between total domination and feminine perfection |
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