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Rewind thirty days.
It had been a month since I
had seen him and during our short time together I had fallen hopelessly head over heels,
something that never happens to me! From his behavior, I had decided he was telephonically
impaired because even though he insisted he call, he never did. Fast forward to tonight.
We are both at a business function. In true guy fashion, he walks up to me and
began speaking like it had only been a week since we’d seen each other. It had been a
month. I attempted to act business like. The attitude didn’t phase him. Charming and
eloquent, I could feel my resolve melting. After five minutes of chitchat he finally cut
to the chase.
"So,"
he began. "Are you seeing anyone?"
Seeing anyone? I
was still carrying the torch for him!
"Well, no, not
exactly," I replied. "I’m dating, though."
His response baffled
me. He looked at me and then tried to feign an attitude before asking, "So, what does
this guy do?"
"Which
one?" I asked. "I am not seeing any one."
"Well, you know,
the guy you’re with now…What does he do?"
"But I just told
you I’m not seeing anyone!" I cried.
"Then who is
this guy you’re sleeping with?"
"I am not
involved with anyone," I exasperated. "I am just dating!"
TOP
Now just in
case you are thinking this guy is dense, I assure you he’s not. This little exchange
left me flustered. How did ‘dating’ turn into ‘sleeping with?’ He
seemed to have his own definitions for dating, seeing, and involved. Regardless of what I
said, he equated any reference to male companionship as, "she’s having sex with
him".
This is where the
problems begin. As women, we know that we must keep sex out of the dating phase and seeing
phase if we are to protect ourselves. However, that doesn’t always prevent us from
letting our libido take over, an oversight for which we pay dearly. Unless the
relationship is defined ahead of time as casual, once we have made love with a man, we
consider ourselves to be in a couple, in other words, involved. There is scientific
reasoning for this. Women give themselves heart and soul through sex. Making love is
how we bond. It causes the release of Oxytocin, a chemical in the brain that is like a
love potion to women. If you have ever wondered why a woman suddenly goes into
relationship mode after you have sex with her, blame it on this volatile hormone. If the
woman really likes you, the release of Oxytocin can be so potent that it can take her up
to two years to recover from its effects.
TOP
I doubted this theory, and tried it out on the aforementioned gentleman. This is
how I went from dating, skipped the seeing and went straight for involved.
On our third date,
I was so taken by this gentleman that I felt I had known him forever. That evening, I
sexually surrendered to him, moving straight out of dating mode and into my role as
girlfriend. In the weeks that followed, he of course rebelled, pushing me away. My
reaction? I started stressing, obsessing, and turned my entire life upside down. I
couldn’t work, I over ate; I became resentful of him. Ultimately, I tried to get him
back by reacting in a clingy, manipulative manner that sealed my fate as forever a former
lay. Dating? No, in my mind we weren’t dating. In my mind, we were involved. In his
mind we had dated, nothing more.
Continued
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