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Coping
with Single-hood
as a Woman in Your Thirties |
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Laura Dawn Lewis at 38
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Think about the men you
dated in your 20's versus the men you date in your 30's. Aren't
you glad now you didn't get married back then?!
by Laura Dawn Lewis |
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There is something about the number 30 that
strikes fear into any woman hoping to get married and have
children. When woman first dreams of prince charming, she’s
somewhere around seven and by the time she reaches eighteen, her
image of perfection is so well tuned, even Michelangelo’s David
pales in comparison.
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It is during those bell weather years of 18 to
30 where she defines herself, takes her chances, makes mistakes and
refines David, starting over with clay this time rather than
marble. Clay after all can be molded easily, allowing for
alterations as reality redefines fantasy and fantasy fades into
oblivion.
A person’s twenties are about
definition and getting Mr. Right to notice you while you prove to
the world you can take care of yourself. At the beginning,
though society allows you vote, you cannot drink and getting into
forbidden places through ingenuity becomes sport.
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In a woman's
teens and twenties, Mr. Right is defined by sight and
possessions. |
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By the time a
woman reaches her thirties, Mr. Right is defined more by
internal qualities, his actions and character rather than
the physical and fleeting. |
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Your twenties are about test driving your emotions, test
driving men and defining self. The adjectives used to define
Mr. Right at 20 generally include smart, tall, fun,
handsome, ambitious, great car and awesome in bed. At
twenty, a year is a very long time and for most women, the
person she is at 20 is drastically different the woman she
becomes by 30.
By thirty, Mr. Right grows up, puts on a
few pounds and has better things to do with his time than
drink beer, work out and live just for the moment. Now a woman
you realize substance exceeds aesthetics and a guy with six-pack abs
usually spends too much time in the gym and too little time
involved in the world around him.
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The new adjectives now
reflect your own maturity and include
more concrete ideals such as integrity, a passion for living,
principles, goal-oriented, considerate and loving. By thirty, you
realize it’s not whether he wants you, it’s whether you want him. At
thirty you sometimes forget what year it is because time now goes by so
fast.
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The
Eligible Women Shortage
Of course no amount of maturity stops the panic. If
you're still single you begin to wonder if there is something wrong
with you. Why is it so many women who are not attractive,
smart or funny seem to have no problem finding Mr. Right?
Don't men like women with brains, looks, a sense of humor and well
honed maternal instincts? If so, where are they!
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In truth, your Mr. Right is
probably thinking the same thing about you. Where are you?
It's hard to believe, but there is actually a shortage of healthy,
mentally-sound, non-addicted, heterosexual thirty-something females
looking to get married. Once you reach 35, male or female, only 50%
of the dating pool is healthy. Healthy means no addictions,
mental diseases or other impediments to a successful relationship.
If you're 29ish-38ish single
woman, The Wall Street Journal did an article on the women
shortage December 7th, 2001. They reported many men waited until
their late thirties and early forties to marry, wanting first to get
their careers off the ground and become financially stable.
These men are in the late stage baby boomer generation, (38-47), a
very large generation. The women they date between 2 and 10
years younger? These women are part of Generation X, an itty
bitty generation by comparison. Basically, single, childless
thirty-something women, for the first time in history have three
eligible straight bachelors a piece looking to marry.
Unfortunately the article neglected to mention where to find them.
In 2000, Good Morning America did a segment on the ideal time to get married. It seems for women to be age 32, which is also the year she hits her sexual peak. The philosophy behind this stated that at 32, a woman has finally come into her own, confident in who she is and makes choices based upon fact rather than fantasy. |
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Worth the Wait June 13, 2005: On December 27, 2000 I met my future husband. I was 34. He was 45. On December 27, 2004, he proposed. I finally said yes. We'll be married in early 2006. He is more than I ever thought I'd find.
We've traveled the world together; we work on each other's businesses and charities together and we share a common faith which is central and key to our lives. Between the two of us, we speak seven languages. I'll be 39 next week. I still get carded regularly and hit on by men under twenty-five. In fact my fiancé scolded me for wearing a ponytail about four weeks ago for his fiftieth birthday at a casual
restaurant, stating, "I don't want people to think I'm with a teenager! I'm fifty for heaven's sake. Put your hair down." I'm almost forty and I don't feel a day over twenty-five. And I know, I would have never met a man this incredible...an inventor with over 50 marketed products, an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, a lover and an incredible Christian if I hadn't waited, learned and
grown into someone he would love. Past girlfriends of his, (major intimidation factor) were Country music royalty, one of Hollywood's current leading ladies and a playmate of the year. Yet I'm the one, an inch and a half taller, with twenty extra pounds and a few aspiring wrinkles, he asked to marry him. If you're afraid your clock is ticking, stop worrying. Have fun. Get passionate about
something and HE will find you. And then you'll thank God you waited. Laura Dawn Lewis
CEO, Couples Company
and 30 something Bride to Be. |
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At 32 she is still open to new ideas, but
steadfast enough that she is not easily fooled or manipulated. The
segment went on to explain that after 35 it is very difficult for a
man or woman to marry because by that point, both are so set in
their ways, compromise, an essential element to successful
cohabitation is difficult to achieve.
Does that mean at 35 a woman is
over the hill? And if you're in this age group, how do you
cope and open yourself to love?
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EMAIL
this
ARTICLE
to a friend
Laura @ 34 when
she met her fiance
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Positive Aspects of being a 30 Something Single |
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single and never married with no kids in your thirties is a lot more
fun than you imagine at eighteen. For one, you've got money.
With money you can explore the world, spoil yourself rotten and
basically extend your childhood another ten years.
The men you meet in your
thirties are quite fascinating and can treat you to the best life
has to offer.
And your looks?
You still have them. What you also have is confidence and that
aura of maturity that separates the girls from the women.
At
eighteen you think 35 is old. When you reach thirty-five you
discover it is not old at all. You still feel young, have lots
of energy and if you've taken care of yourself still look
twenty-something.
Your interests
do change. Bar hoping and night clubs become very boring.
Cocktail parties on a friend's boat, backyard Bar-b-ques and
networking events begin to take center stage. Talk with an
interesting gentleman revolves around politics, business or current
affairs rather than cheap one-liners designed to get you into bed.
When going out you prefer to hear what someone is saying to you and
getting drunk puts too much of a damper on the next day's
activities. Keggers seem terribly immature and you lose
respect for anyone in their thirties who still acts like
twenty-two. |
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