Couples can feel like silly putty, being stretched in all different directions by well-meaning relatives.

My mom and her husband had planned on a Thanksgiving cruise this year. They told family six months ago. But now, one month before Thanksgiving, my step-dad's nephew has decided to have the WHOLE family over to his house. They are canceling their cruise plans because my step-dad's sister will be "mad" if they don't show up.

Many couples fight and argue over holiday schedules. No one wants their family "mad" at them. To solve the problem with holidays and relatives some couples set up routines. Her family for Thanksgiving. His for Christmas. Easter at her Grandmas. Mother's Day at mine.

Others switch off holidays. Christmas 2000 with his family, 2001 with hers, 2002 on our own.

This is how my wife
& I finally solved this problem.

We don't have a schedule. We don't play any sort of "fairness" game. We don't care where we celebrated the last holiday. Each holiday is our OWN decision. We might choose to share the holidays with friends instead of family. We pick where we go or who we invite to our house because we want to share the day with them, not because we feel obligated.

I don't care how much crying, pleading and threats of shame I get from either side of the family. When Athena and I got married, we started a new family and we are not going to let it be pulled apart by relatives.

You know, it didn't take long for our parents and grandparents to realize that we would not be manipulated and controlled. Blissful relationships aren't easily bullied. They respect our strong marriage and the decisions we make for our holiday plans. They may not like our choices, but they do respect them.

No couple should forego wonderful holiday plans just because some relative will be "mad" if you don't spend it with them. Don't get me wrong. Spending time with extended family is important. It is just not an obligation. Where will you go for the holidays? The decision really is YOURS.

Additional CC Articles on this Issue:
Dealing with the Relatives From HELL

Divorced Parents, Separate States  
and You are Caught in the Middle
 

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